It's important to frequently reflect on all the great things in one's life and be thankful and mindful of everything positive, so here goes...I am thankful for:
1. Two parents who see the value in caring for their own parents and always being there for them.
2. My grandma who has always been a fighter now matter how big the obstacle, she is truly an inspiration.
3. My amazing group of close friends that I truly don't know what I would do without them or how I would get through the tough times in life.
4. Laughter because it truly is one of the best medicines and it makes it even better when you are doing it with friends.
5. Cameron Alexis because when I stop and think about it I really don't know what I would do without her, she is always there to help me and I think I take it for granted at times.
6. Haiden Grace because as much as sometimes I feel like I am going crazy with her and her completely new and different personality I love her to pieces and I love my peaceful snuggly moments with her.
7. New books that have find their way into my life and my interest in them, I will take it as long as it lasts lol...
8. The fact that some day Steve will be able to be home with us every night and I can't wait!
9. The fact that I can see that life is about so MUCH more than the material and tangible things and that most of life's greatest gifts can only be felt in the heart.
10. I don't need money to make me happy or to make me feel successful in life because it's not about how much money you make and what you can buy with it. You can be rich and have no character and me nothing to no one.
11. My hard working, ass busting, dedicated, reliable husband who often bends over backwards for his job and that God keeps him safe each and every night so he can come home to us in the morning.
12. A good glass of wine, because that's what you need sometimes at the end of the day.
13. Some of the very special people in my life that could never have been put in my life by chance and who always have the right things to say at the right time.
14. Those in my life that challenge me because while they may drive me CRAZY at times, ultimately they make me a stronger, better person for having to practice self control.
15. I am able to stay home with my girls, something I have always dreamed of doing and amazingly it has become a reality and some days I am still in awe that I am actually living it.
November 15, 2011
November 14, 2011
FULL...Full to the Tip Top
that's my head with thoughts....blah...
I haven't written in so long and I feel like I am going crazy because I need to write and air my thoughts for the 5 people that read this, yea I know you love me, so I don't go crazy....
On a side note, I have been sucked into the Twilight saga...but I have to say that there is no way I would be taking my 9-10 year old daughter to see it (and no I am not referring to Cameron, she's only 8). I am referring to a friend of mine on FB who I guess thinks it's okay...whatever, to each his own I just think that's a bit much. And better yet she can't wait to take her daughter...I just don't think it's appropriate but what do I know?
On to bigger and better things, I have picked up reading a few good books lately, I am sure it won't last long because quite honestly I hate reading but for now I am going to embrace it and take in as much info as I can.
I am reading "Emotional Survival For Law Enforcement, A guide for officers and their families" and wow....it's scary good if that makes any sense. Good because it is packed full of information and insight and scary because there is a LOT of truth to it and I can see things that make me nervous....sigh....
On another note, while I am full of opinions tonight, here's another one:
YOU ARE NOT BORN GAY, IT'S A CHOICE
JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE
Oh this was a lovely topic at dinner the other night with my in-laws, Lord only knows how we got on this topic but we did and we were talking about this gay guy that I know and I made mention of the fact that he never had a father or true father figure in his life and that it had a huge impact on him. To which my MIL said that had nothing to do with it because he was born that way. I literally laughed out loud quickly disagreed to which her response was that she has done lots of research and you are born that way. Well you can pretty much find research based answers behind anything, true or not.There's someone to argue every point. She wasn't happy when Steve disagreed with her and then his dad on top of it, so needless to say that conversation ended quite abruptly. I just couldn't sit back and be quiet on that matter...ahhhhhh life....Like I told her what I am saying doesn't mean I like a gay person any less by any means all I am saying is that is a choice. Agree or disagree that's up to you...
Thanksgiving is around the corner and this year it's going to be quite different from last year's or any previous years and I think it will be an adjustment. Just to look at how much our what once was a close family has changed so much in a such a little amount of time. Some of the things that have brought it to this point make me sick and absolutely angry, while other things I don't mind changing....ugh...why is life so complicated sometimes? In the words of a good friend of mine "just do what comes natural" what isn't natural also easy haha??? someone please tell me.
Here's another question for you: Why are some people so FREAKING HARD to get along with???? I mean seriously, I don't go out trying to make enemies or being a bitch but there are just some people that no matter how hard you try they make it impossible to have a good relationship with. Sometimes I feel like I am back in HS...didn't I graduate for a reason? Other than to go to college....why yes, yes I did.
Oh and last time I checked, there isn't a cookie man handing out cookies to you for every damn thing you do...do you really need praise for every task you accomplish on a daily basis? Okay I just stepped off my soap box, but don't worry I didn't step far from it haha...
Now jumping tracks to a totally different subject...my great grandfather passed away the night before last and he was 98 years old, 98 wow! That's someone who has seen a WHOLE lot! I am sad that he is gone but happy for him, he lived a great life, still lived in his original home when he died, was surrounded by some of the 13 caring children, set an amazing example for what a good person is made of and was of a sound mind to the end. How many 98 year olds do you know that can say that?? I am also happy that both girls were able to meet him even though Haiden won't remember. We have a few photos with 5 generations, how awesome is that. I realize that I was very fortunate to even be able to know my great grandparents, of which I knew three of the four so I consider it a special opportunity.
Here are the five generations all together:
My great granddaddy, my grandpa, my mom, me and our girls....pretty cool!
I am all over the place tonight, but I warned ya....
Communication
ahhh what comes to your mind when you think about this?
I am referring to relationships specifically....on top of the many other things needed for a successful relationship, communication is one of the top five in my book and I think it needs to be a daily practice for both parties. I mean really how are you really going to survive if you can't communicate. just a thought.
Sometimes I really hate the quietness of this house. I love the quiet nap time, but hate the quiet night time, when Steve is working and I am here alone. I don't like being alone and cannot wait for the day that he can kiss night shifts goodbye! I think I might even throw a party. That's a good idea actually. There are some evenings where after the girls are in bed I enjoy a little bit of me time or vegging on the couch but I wouldn't mind doing that with Steve on the other end of the couch...every night. I know they say distance makes the heart grow fonder but I think it's grown fond enough lol.
I think this job, and I am not blaming everything on the job because there are soooooo many aspects, but I think this job is starting to take its toll all the way around. It's complicated. It's frustrating. It can be rewarding. It has made us change. Change the way we do things. Change the way we see things. Change the way we think about things. Change period. Some good, but some not so much. These books I have been reading are so full of helpful and good information and it makes me wish that I could implement something for the officers in every single police department. This current book makes sense of a lot of things in the police lifestyle and it makes me really sad that as I read this I realize, not ONCE has the PD (and I am not only blaming Warrenton, because I am sure there are thousands of others just like it) ever offered or taught or encouraged anything to do with EMOTIONAL survival of the job. It solely focuses on physical, however emotional is JUST as important as physical. I have always said, you have to deal with what you see on the job or else it WILL come back to haunt you years down the road, at the least expected moment...so why if people know this, why don't they have something in place in every single dept that encourages people to deal with their emotions and encourages them talking to someone instead of it being made to look as a weakness. (again I am not referring to Warrenton, but PDs in general) If anything you should be commended for being strong enough to say yeah I can't deal with what I have seen or experienced on my own, I need help. Doesn't that take a strong person? To face their problems head on because you know that if you do it will make you a better, stronger person and save you sooo many problems down the road. This is so frustrating to me because SO many things could be prevented if an officer were taught about the emotional struggles early on and given techniques and guidance for dealing with the many challenges one will face. They should be teaching this in the academy because there is no officer immune to it and not knowing how to deal with it or how to recognize it will only make matters worse. Every officer is still a human and under that badge is the same feelings you and I would feel when faced with something good, bad or horrific.
I wrote a paper back in college, after my uncle who was a police officer for 22 years died in a car crash. He had been spiraling out of control and I swear there is a good chance he would be here today if there had been something in place to help him emotionally and psychologically. Needless to say it was about how police officers should be required to undergo periodic psychological evaluations due to the stress and nature of their jobs. I feel so strongly on this subject matter because I watched what my uncle went through and knew how sickened he was by much of what he had to deal with and see on the job. I am sure there are some other professions, ie military, that has very similar issues but of course this one is closest to my heart because of my uncle and now my husband who is a police officer...
This is what my brain looks like...cluttered...
I am starting something new this week, something that can only have a positive outcome, something that can only create positive changes, but I am a little apprehensive and happy all at the same time
I haven't written in so long and I feel like I am going crazy because I need to write and air my thoughts for the 5 people that read this, yea I know you love me, so I don't go crazy....
On a side note, I have been sucked into the Twilight saga...but I have to say that there is no way I would be taking my 9-10 year old daughter to see it (and no I am not referring to Cameron, she's only 8). I am referring to a friend of mine on FB who I guess thinks it's okay...whatever, to each his own I just think that's a bit much. And better yet she can't wait to take her daughter...I just don't think it's appropriate but what do I know?
On to bigger and better things, I have picked up reading a few good books lately, I am sure it won't last long because quite honestly I hate reading but for now I am going to embrace it and take in as much info as I can.
I am reading "Emotional Survival For Law Enforcement, A guide for officers and their families" and wow....it's scary good if that makes any sense. Good because it is packed full of information and insight and scary because there is a LOT of truth to it and I can see things that make me nervous....sigh....
On another note, while I am full of opinions tonight, here's another one:
YOU ARE NOT BORN GAY, IT'S A CHOICE
JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE
Oh this was a lovely topic at dinner the other night with my in-laws, Lord only knows how we got on this topic but we did and we were talking about this gay guy that I know and I made mention of the fact that he never had a father or true father figure in his life and that it had a huge impact on him. To which my MIL said that had nothing to do with it because he was born that way. I literally laughed out loud quickly disagreed to which her response was that she has done lots of research and you are born that way. Well you can pretty much find research based answers behind anything, true or not.There's someone to argue every point. She wasn't happy when Steve disagreed with her and then his dad on top of it, so needless to say that conversation ended quite abruptly. I just couldn't sit back and be quiet on that matter...ahhhhhh life....Like I told her what I am saying doesn't mean I like a gay person any less by any means all I am saying is that is a choice. Agree or disagree that's up to you...
Thanksgiving is around the corner and this year it's going to be quite different from last year's or any previous years and I think it will be an adjustment. Just to look at how much our what once was a close family has changed so much in a such a little amount of time. Some of the things that have brought it to this point make me sick and absolutely angry, while other things I don't mind changing....ugh...why is life so complicated sometimes? In the words of a good friend of mine "just do what comes natural" what isn't natural also easy haha??? someone please tell me.
Here's another question for you: Why are some people so FREAKING HARD to get along with???? I mean seriously, I don't go out trying to make enemies or being a bitch but there are just some people that no matter how hard you try they make it impossible to have a good relationship with. Sometimes I feel like I am back in HS...didn't I graduate for a reason? Other than to go to college....why yes, yes I did.
Oh and last time I checked, there isn't a cookie man handing out cookies to you for every damn thing you do...do you really need praise for every task you accomplish on a daily basis? Okay I just stepped off my soap box, but don't worry I didn't step far from it haha...
Now jumping tracks to a totally different subject...my great grandfather passed away the night before last and he was 98 years old, 98 wow! That's someone who has seen a WHOLE lot! I am sad that he is gone but happy for him, he lived a great life, still lived in his original home when he died, was surrounded by some of the 13 caring children, set an amazing example for what a good person is made of and was of a sound mind to the end. How many 98 year olds do you know that can say that?? I am also happy that both girls were able to meet him even though Haiden won't remember. We have a few photos with 5 generations, how awesome is that. I realize that I was very fortunate to even be able to know my great grandparents, of which I knew three of the four so I consider it a special opportunity.
Here are the five generations all together:
My great granddaddy, my grandpa, my mom, me and our girls....pretty cool!
I am all over the place tonight, but I warned ya....
Communication
ahhh what comes to your mind when you think about this?
I am referring to relationships specifically....on top of the many other things needed for a successful relationship, communication is one of the top five in my book and I think it needs to be a daily practice for both parties. I mean really how are you really going to survive if you can't communicate. just a thought.
Sometimes I really hate the quietness of this house. I love the quiet nap time, but hate the quiet night time, when Steve is working and I am here alone. I don't like being alone and cannot wait for the day that he can kiss night shifts goodbye! I think I might even throw a party. That's a good idea actually. There are some evenings where after the girls are in bed I enjoy a little bit of me time or vegging on the couch but I wouldn't mind doing that with Steve on the other end of the couch...every night. I know they say distance makes the heart grow fonder but I think it's grown fond enough lol.
I think this job, and I am not blaming everything on the job because there are soooooo many aspects, but I think this job is starting to take its toll all the way around. It's complicated. It's frustrating. It can be rewarding. It has made us change. Change the way we do things. Change the way we see things. Change the way we think about things. Change period. Some good, but some not so much. These books I have been reading are so full of helpful and good information and it makes me wish that I could implement something for the officers in every single police department. This current book makes sense of a lot of things in the police lifestyle and it makes me really sad that as I read this I realize, not ONCE has the PD (and I am not only blaming Warrenton, because I am sure there are thousands of others just like it) ever offered or taught or encouraged anything to do with EMOTIONAL survival of the job. It solely focuses on physical, however emotional is JUST as important as physical. I have always said, you have to deal with what you see on the job or else it WILL come back to haunt you years down the road, at the least expected moment...so why if people know this, why don't they have something in place in every single dept that encourages people to deal with their emotions and encourages them talking to someone instead of it being made to look as a weakness. (again I am not referring to Warrenton, but PDs in general) If anything you should be commended for being strong enough to say yeah I can't deal with what I have seen or experienced on my own, I need help. Doesn't that take a strong person? To face their problems head on because you know that if you do it will make you a better, stronger person and save you sooo many problems down the road. This is so frustrating to me because SO many things could be prevented if an officer were taught about the emotional struggles early on and given techniques and guidance for dealing with the many challenges one will face. They should be teaching this in the academy because there is no officer immune to it and not knowing how to deal with it or how to recognize it will only make matters worse. Every officer is still a human and under that badge is the same feelings you and I would feel when faced with something good, bad or horrific.
I wrote a paper back in college, after my uncle who was a police officer for 22 years died in a car crash. He had been spiraling out of control and I swear there is a good chance he would be here today if there had been something in place to help him emotionally and psychologically. Needless to say it was about how police officers should be required to undergo periodic psychological evaluations due to the stress and nature of their jobs. I feel so strongly on this subject matter because I watched what my uncle went through and knew how sickened he was by much of what he had to deal with and see on the job. I am sure there are some other professions, ie military, that has very similar issues but of course this one is closest to my heart because of my uncle and now my husband who is a police officer...
This is what my brain looks like...cluttered...
I am starting something new this week, something that can only have a positive outcome, something that can only create positive changes, but I am a little apprehensive and happy all at the same time
October 13, 2011
Master Oogway is one smart turtle
"there are no accidents"
I believe this is true...everything happens for a reason.
I have had lots on my mind lately and why I haven't put my thoughts on paper, God only knows....but I am bound and determined to blog more because I really enjoyed it when I was keeping up with it months ago.
I am really excited to say that Steve and I have finally made a the decision that we are for sure we would like to have another baby....--->insert loud, excited shreek<---- lol...don't know when this is going to happen but the fact that it will someday makes me happy. When I think about our future I can't picture it without another baby...so I am happy that sometime in the next few years we will have another....We have to get some things in place but I am really excited....
Life has a funny way of taking you for a loop, one that you never saw coming, one that you weren't really prepared for, one that you know you have to face head one, and sometimes one that you wish you could run from...but you can't...in the end you know it will make you stronger but you wish the end was right around the corner and not miles or months away...
Steve and I are going away this weekend, the first time since our honeymoon that we are taking off, just us, leavin our babies behind for a few days and going to enjoy each other. We are taking two very special people with us and we are all going to celebrate our anniversaries which fall really close together. We are headed up to Snowshoe Mtn where I may very easily freeze my tail off and come back missing a few toes, but it will be worth it, in fact, I CANNOT wait. I am going to miss my girls, but this for sure is much overdue, and needed! I am going to drink too much, eat too much, walk too much and talk too much and freeze too much.
September 2, 2011
What's so important about a title anyways?
"Although it's difficult today to see beyond your sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow."
This quote is pretty powerful to me. I found it awhile back and dropped it in a blank blog post and that was that. Saved the draft and haven't touched it since way long ago...
These words speak to me today, they can apply to so many different situations in life, whether it be death, the way things used to be or simply a bad day...
Just pretend this is me :) and you get the idea
On many levels, things in our life are currently in limbo right now, waiting for things to play out, watching to see what happens next, awaiting new possibilities, hoping for other things and the list goes on. I can see this volcano off in the distance and it is growing daily, going to erupt before too long and this is what it will look like, you will likely be able to see it from space. At this point all I can really do is pray and believe for the best possible outcome in some areas and be thankful in others.
I must say I wouldn't want another other partner for this journey that we are on together. It feels great to sit back and look at what we have created, where we have been and where we are now and be able to really appreciate it like we do. For that alone, I can say I appreciate all the challenges that have stood in our way and that we have overcome.
Random Thoughts for the day:
- Why again have I put off blogging for like a month now? I really do love it even though I can't always say everything I want to, it's like my own personal diary, a place to put all my thoughts, and share them with the ones I care about most. It is like "my time" where I can just focus on me for a short amount of time and it's a stress reliever to me. So please next time there is a time gap like this, come knock on my door and just kick me and say blog and walk away ok? Because I need it :)
- I really need to strive to continue learning in the photography world. There is so much that I don't know and want to know. I wouldn't mind being a sponge in that area so I could just soak it all up.
- Steve and I are seriously talking about TN or right at the VA line, possibly Bristol or Abingdon...we both really want out of the metro area for a number of reasons and sometimes I freak out thinking what I am doing considering leaving all that I have ever known and other times I think why the heck not?? So who knows what the next year will hold for us....who knows.....
- When I think about the quote above I remind myself that it is okay to look back on and remember great people and memories and it's okay to cry because you miss them. After all it's not good to ignore our emotions.
- No matter how stinky a day, that little most-of-the-time sweet face of my ladybug can always make me smile.
- I need to have a yard sale really bad and I can only blame my laziness for not having done it yet.
- I should really be getting stuff done around the house but it's more fun just sitting here making a To Do List instead haha
- And the list goes on but I've got to cut is short because I can hear Hurrican Haiden upstairs and she has awoken from her nap and is probably relocating everything in her room to where it doesn't belong.
August 6, 2011
Frustrated...
Ha Steve and I have joked but not about moving to Tennessee, not to run from our problems, but to have a change of pace. There are some days I really think we need that but at the same time....are we strong enough, courageous enough to really do it? Time will tell I guess.
(disclaimer...no I am not bashing my family, I am just being honest...so if you don't like it....well there isn't anything I can do about it)
Something that has always kept us here is our families. We love them and want to be able to live close enough to see them whenever we want. But as I am sure many can relate, things happen and families grow apart...this is really hard for me because I really never thought this would happen to my family. I selfishly always thought my family was a little bit better, a little bit closer, a little bit stronger, a little bit more true and real and low and behold it isn't. It's like EVERY OTHER family out there. It's is no different, it's not as unique as I thought it was...haha well it is but not for good reasons. Of course I never realized this growing up until now I can sit and look back and say wow....
So what I am getting as is yes while family will still always be there, happy or not, screwing eachother over or not, secrets or not....I am in this life with Steve. Now don't get all pissy, I do care and love many others, but I am runnning this race, going through the adventures of life, with the one person I chose to spend the rest of my life with so why shouldn't we just take off and try something different, afterall we have eachother and our two lovely babies and in some sort of way that is all that matters.
Of course we would miss tons of people and like I said will it ever happen I really don't know but just like I had to do back before I got married, start living for myself and doing what is best for my/our family. I can tell you one thing, life got a lot easier when I started doing that.
There will always be storms that come, obstacles to overcome and mountains to climb, I am sure they would just be wherever we settle down but as long as I am climbing them with the Steve, I think I will be alright. It's funny how if you sit back for just a second and think wow five years ago would you ever think you would be in this spot? Trying to look in the future you would never see it coming!
============ Jumping tracks (haha you like that don't you?) ===================
What happens when a person becomes purely evil and there is no foreseeable (sp?) good left in them? What then? It's pretty scary if you think about it because you have no idea what they are capable of or how much damage they can cause. However, there has got to be an end to the madness somewhere, a big crash, a volcano eruption, a dead end. What makes me sad is you can only sit back and watch it happen and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it other than pray that they only hurt themselves and no one else in the process. Scary that someone can actually completely lose their heart and their conscience and all the good or at least the little of good qualities that were there. Ugh quite frankly I hate it! Hate it! Hate it! Hate it! 
Haha and then you are left standing there, looking at the rubble...going WTF just happened? I don't mean to laugh but I love him and his expression....have a good day :) until next time...
June 15, 2011
SLACKER right here!
Yeah I have been totally behind on this, but hey I honestly have been busy. I keep thinking I really need to get on here and then I always run out of time.
So much has been going on the last few weeks, starting with the Strawberry Festival a few weekends ago which was a ton of fun! It was our first time and we really enjoyed it! The girls of course loved it too and it was a beautiful state park. I have never been and I cannot wait to go back! I will post pics later.
On another big note, I decided to take a leap, I seem to be doing a lot of that in the last 6 months and I must say I am kind of liking it, and start selling my nature photos. It is a true passion of mine and I am loving every minute of it. (Nature that is, not so much people) I think even more so than that is people actually like my work and want to purchase it, that is so exciting to me! I got my first photo order and mats in last Friday and it has taken off much faster than I ever thought. I placed my second photo order last night and I am going to the farmer's market in Orange on Saturday with a friend and I can't wait! I can honestly say this is something I love doing, I have always loved photography and almost pursued it in college but took another avenue and of course now I look back and wish I had followed my heart. I still have MUCH to learn but when it is something you want to do you enjoy it so much more. I am thankful for my supportive husband who is confident not only in me but with decisions I make and stands behind me. So we will see what happens right now it is just something small on the side but hey if it were to grow into something larger eventually I wouldn't mind a bit.
We are headed to good ole WV next weekend to Snowshoe, to relaxation, to fresh, crisp air, to beautiful sunrises and peaceful sunsets. I am excited to get away for a short while and Steve of course is ecstatic. He loves it up there, even more than I do. I love it don't get me wrong, but the only thing I am worried about this year is getting my beach fix. It has been far too long, 6 years too long, and I am changing that this year. So come the first week in September that will be the ONLY thing I am talkin about. But for now I am looking forward to this little family trip of ours and being able to have beautiful nature all around me. Which reminds me, I still need to find a babysitter for my bunny rabbit...
This is the first summer in oh like 8 years that I have been able to be at home and I am THRILLED! No, actually BEYOND thrilled. I didn't have to worry about finding childcare, packing lunches, rushing out the door each morning, see ya later's, none of that and it feels great! I just sit and think back to six months ago when Steve and I were faced with, do I quit and stay home? or do I continue working? I can't even sit and imagine how different life would be right now if we had decided differently. I am so happy and the only thing I can think is why did I wait so long. Why? Because of fear of the unknown, that's why. I was always so worried that it didn't work and on paper I didn't know how it would but it has. I am a planner at heart so I need to have things laid out and know the outcome or sometimes I freak out. That's just how I am, but with this big change, it has also made me change my way of thinking and I have learned a lot in these last few months. I can't wait to see what the next year will hold for us, it will be an adventure I am sure!
So much has been going on the last few weeks, starting with the Strawberry Festival a few weekends ago which was a ton of fun! It was our first time and we really enjoyed it! The girls of course loved it too and it was a beautiful state park. I have never been and I cannot wait to go back! I will post pics later.
On another big note, I decided to take a leap, I seem to be doing a lot of that in the last 6 months and I must say I am kind of liking it, and start selling my nature photos. It is a true passion of mine and I am loving every minute of it. (Nature that is, not so much people) I think even more so than that is people actually like my work and want to purchase it, that is so exciting to me! I got my first photo order and mats in last Friday and it has taken off much faster than I ever thought. I placed my second photo order last night and I am going to the farmer's market in Orange on Saturday with a friend and I can't wait! I can honestly say this is something I love doing, I have always loved photography and almost pursued it in college but took another avenue and of course now I look back and wish I had followed my heart. I still have MUCH to learn but when it is something you want to do you enjoy it so much more. I am thankful for my supportive husband who is confident not only in me but with decisions I make and stands behind me. So we will see what happens right now it is just something small on the side but hey if it were to grow into something larger eventually I wouldn't mind a bit.
We are headed to good ole WV next weekend to Snowshoe, to relaxation, to fresh, crisp air, to beautiful sunrises and peaceful sunsets. I am excited to get away for a short while and Steve of course is ecstatic. He loves it up there, even more than I do. I love it don't get me wrong, but the only thing I am worried about this year is getting my beach fix. It has been far too long, 6 years too long, and I am changing that this year. So come the first week in September that will be the ONLY thing I am talkin about. But for now I am looking forward to this little family trip of ours and being able to have beautiful nature all around me. Which reminds me, I still need to find a babysitter for my bunny rabbit...
This is the first summer in oh like 8 years that I have been able to be at home and I am THRILLED! No, actually BEYOND thrilled. I didn't have to worry about finding childcare, packing lunches, rushing out the door each morning, see ya later's, none of that and it feels great! I just sit and think back to six months ago when Steve and I were faced with, do I quit and stay home? or do I continue working? I can't even sit and imagine how different life would be right now if we had decided differently. I am so happy and the only thing I can think is why did I wait so long. Why? Because of fear of the unknown, that's why. I was always so worried that it didn't work and on paper I didn't know how it would but it has. I am a planner at heart so I need to have things laid out and know the outcome or sometimes I freak out. That's just how I am, but with this big change, it has also made me change my way of thinking and I have learned a lot in these last few months. I can't wait to see what the next year will hold for us, it will be an adventure I am sure!
May 23, 2011
Memorial Day Weekend makes me remember, but for another reason tonight...
It is still amazing to me, all the changes that have taken place in my life over the last year, some good, some bad, some happy, some sad!
It makes me sad when I think about what I was doing a year ago today....thinking about what all I needed for the coming weekend at Lake Anna. What all did I need to bring? How many outfits? What was I going to make? What time were we going down? Who all was going? How much fun were we going to have? Did I pack the sunscreen for my hubby so he doesn't turn into a lobster? Did I check off everything so I didn't forget a single thing?
This is what the driveway typically looked like...filled with LOTS of cars!
It makes me think about all the memories at beautiful Lake Anna. The great, the good, the bad and the scary! The lake house was part of our family, it was "The Sweet Escape." The Sweet Escape that was only an hour away. The sweet escape from life even if it was only for a weekend. To wake up and walk out and breathe in fresh, tranquil air, to sit on the back stone steps with a cup of coffee and watch the boats go by in the early morning hours, to look out onto the crisp lake water. It was the late nights of everyone laughing and drinking together, to fun at the bonfire, to watching movies together, to trying to catch "the alligator." The lake was a staple for the Garrison/Ryan family and how can I say I don't miss it? I miss it terribly and I mostly miss all the memories we made together. It's what made me feel like we had such a close family because we didn't mind getting together weekend in and weekend out to have a good time. That was where we spent many a weekend during the summer months. I sure am going to miss that place.
So I figured in honor of my sulking I would post some pictures of how last year's weekend went down. We were celebrating Shannon's birthday and we had a blast, a messy blast, but a blast indeed!
Haiden had a blast when she figured out show could blow bubbles.
Beautiful on her birthday morning!
Cami fishing with Jay & Jamie
Let the birthday celebrations begin!
Some GG Poopa love!
And then the partying began...
And when you drink from the bottle it never leads to good things...well besides some of the GREATEST LAUGHS that is!
On a totally different, happy note I could not be happier with my decision to take the plunge and stay home. I bring this up again one because some days I am still totally amazed that we are even doing it and occasionally I wonder how, but honestly I know how. Two, I was driving to Warrenton today to take Cameron to a dentist appointment and getting off on the Meetze Rd ramp, coming to the stop sign and waiting for a chance to cross.....I thought wow...I used to do this every morning, racing against the clock to be to work on time, usually rushing like crazy, crossing at the first chance I got, only to do it all over again the next morning. Crazy how the smallest things make you stop and think and that's just what I did today. I stopped and remembered just how thankful I am to have a completely different routine for a morning now and how it is so much slower and so much more peaceful and ahhh I love it. If you had asked me last year where I would be the same time next year I surely couldn't have told you here, but I am and I couldn't love it more. It amazes me every day and like I said today sitting at that stop sign really made me stop and think....Life Is Good!
It makes me sad when I think about what I was doing a year ago today....thinking about what all I needed for the coming weekend at Lake Anna. What all did I need to bring? How many outfits? What was I going to make? What time were we going down? Who all was going? How much fun were we going to have? Did I pack the sunscreen for my hubby so he doesn't turn into a lobster? Did I check off everything so I didn't forget a single thing?
This is what the driveway typically looked like...filled with LOTS of cars!
It makes me think about all the memories at beautiful Lake Anna. The great, the good, the bad and the scary! The lake house was part of our family, it was "The Sweet Escape." The Sweet Escape that was only an hour away. The sweet escape from life even if it was only for a weekend. To wake up and walk out and breathe in fresh, tranquil air, to sit on the back stone steps with a cup of coffee and watch the boats go by in the early morning hours, to look out onto the crisp lake water. It was the late nights of everyone laughing and drinking together, to fun at the bonfire, to watching movies together, to trying to catch "the alligator." The lake was a staple for the Garrison/Ryan family and how can I say I don't miss it? I miss it terribly and I mostly miss all the memories we made together. It's what made me feel like we had such a close family because we didn't mind getting together weekend in and weekend out to have a good time. That was where we spent many a weekend during the summer months. I sure am going to miss that place.
So I figured in honor of my sulking I would post some pictures of how last year's weekend went down. We were celebrating Shannon's birthday and we had a blast, a messy blast, but a blast indeed!
Haiden had a blast when she figured out show could blow bubbles.
Beautiful on her birthday morning!
Cami fishing with Jay & Jamie
Yes my family drinks...A LOT...I am usually the caretaker by instinct.
Let the birthday celebrations begin!
Some GG Poopa love!
And then the partying began...
And when you drink from the bottle it never leads to good things...well besides some of the GREATEST LAUGHS that is!
On a totally different, happy note I could not be happier with my decision to take the plunge and stay home. I bring this up again one because some days I am still totally amazed that we are even doing it and occasionally I wonder how, but honestly I know how. Two, I was driving to Warrenton today to take Cameron to a dentist appointment and getting off on the Meetze Rd ramp, coming to the stop sign and waiting for a chance to cross.....I thought wow...I used to do this every morning, racing against the clock to be to work on time, usually rushing like crazy, crossing at the first chance I got, only to do it all over again the next morning. Crazy how the smallest things make you stop and think and that's just what I did today. I stopped and remembered just how thankful I am to have a completely different routine for a morning now and how it is so much slower and so much more peaceful and ahhh I love it. If you had asked me last year where I would be the same time next year I surely couldn't have told you here, but I am and I couldn't love it more. It amazes me every day and like I said today sitting at that stop sign really made me stop and think....Life Is Good!
May 21, 2011
Ladybug Love
Finally I found a ladybug, I have been waiting since I got my macro filters and I finally found one. However I had two things against me, it was on a thin long stalk of grass and it was windy so it was somewhat hard to capture and it was getting dark. But I didn't let that stop me. Not bad for a first attempt.
I think I am headed to the festival today...oh what the hell why not? Have a great weekend!
I think I am headed to the festival today...oh what the hell why not? Have a great weekend!
May 16, 2011
It's days like these where we make lasting memories that we can look back on down the road...yep that's what it's about
We bought Haiden, what i thought were ugly at the time but have now fell in love with these little boots. They aren't anything special. We were headed to the lake Sunday morning and I knew from times past all she would want to do is get dirty so we stopped and grabbed a pair. Of course, the ones I really wanted, cute, colorful rain boots, were not available in her size so we settled for muck boots. She was all kinds of excited when she realized she could tromp through water and dirt and mud and anything else she wanted pretty much.
Daddy on the other hand had one thing on his mind, to catch some fish. He wanted fishing stuff for his bday so he could go fishing and this was the first real opportunity he had since the attempt at my parents lake was a complete fail. So here's to his first fish of the season, yet I have no idea what is.
I like how this picture turned out below!
Here is fish #2, a small mouth bass!
And back to Haiden, she found a puddle! And the rest was history. She would splash a few good times, run away and come right back for more. Cameron on the other hand was just as content walking around, or waiting with Steve while he tried to catch a fish. She is definitely the quiet, calm one out of the two. Where as Haiden on the other hand is full of LOTS of energy and bold and lives out loud! I do like how they differ but sometimes I wish Haiden would listen just a little, no wait a lot better. All in due time hopefully.
After almost two hours of constantly chasing Haiden, I was getting irritable. I just wanted to stand still for literally 1 minute but nope. Not to mention, it was getting hot, Haiden was well overdue for a nap and it was lunch time, so all of that together = CRABBY! We decided to head out and come back later in the evening and boy am I glad we did. The weather was perfect!
I know these below are a wee bit bright but who cares? This is the best big sister, and while I try not too I take for granted having her around to help out so much sometimes. She is there when I need her to grab something quickly, watch Haiden for two minutes, run upstairs and get something or just entertain her sister for a bit. She is such a great helper and I know one day, when the time comes, she is going to make a great mommy. I was very disappointed in myself yesterday. I realized that there was one thing I longed to do about a year ago when I was still working and that was to go have lunch with Cameron. I couldn't ever do it, or really I never made the time when I was working because it would have been hard going from Warrenton to Culpeper and back to Warrenton in less that two hours and having to ask for an extended lunch, etc. Well I realized that I have been home since January and I live literally 5 mins from her school and haven't gone once to have lunch with her. It upsets me because I always said to myself if I ever get the opportunity to stay home that is one thing I can't wait to do, and unfortunately I haven't done it. But this week that is going to change, I am going to go have lunch with my baby girl on Thursday and surprise her!
On another note, Cameron is in love with Justin Bieber, and I have to admit I don't mind him and I do like a few of his songs. Well she really wanted his new movie so Steve surprised her with it on Friday. She squealed with excitement. We watched it with her the next morning and I have a new found respect for him, but more so his mom. I never knew that his mom had him at a young age, like me with Cameron, and it really changed my whole perspective about him. I mean anyone can become famous, but to watch and see how his mom stepped up, made the right decisions, took care of her baby boy and how he has become a pop sensation is pretty amazing and cool to me.
There is so much negativity that surrounds young pregnancies and I am not saying it isn't better to wait BUT having been down that road, GREAT things can and do come out of it. And believe me there are enough what I like to call Nasty Nellies, so why not try being supportive in someone's life for a change, instead of sitting back and just waiting for them to fail. Not once, have I EVER regretted the decisions I made or the gift God gave me at a young age. I am proud, proud that I knew I could do it and I did. Proud that even when the odds were against me I stood strong and showed people what I was capable of. Proud that I not only finished high school with my advanced diploma but went on to get my degree in Business Management. I am tooting my own horn for a minute because I have worked hard and accomplished what I set out to do! Wow, how did I get off on this note? Who knows, but I am so thankful for the little miracle that came into this world on January 19, 2003 at 12:36 am, weighing 8lbs, 10oz, which reminds me, I really need to finish my babies' birth stories! Back to the lake...here is my beautiful first born who I love so much and admit I sometimes don't tell her as much as I should!
Growing up too fast, I surely am not ready for a child in double digits yet but it's coming quickly!
We went for a walk around the lake, just the three of us, it was fun stopping along the way to check out anything and everything.
My messy haired bundle of love, who ever so sweetly swipes her hair out of her face.
I am in love with the one above and below :) And no Haiden didn't pose for this! I love my good lookin hub! He was excited, he caught a large mouth bass!
She was in her own little world, trotting along, carrying daddy's worms for him.
Haha and Haiden was trying to hook something too, only difference it wasn't a fish...she was booger hookin! I know it's not the most pleasant thing but it cracked me up when I turned around and saw this. And she even checked out afterwards.
She melts my heart!
Haiden was getting cranky and Cameron was getting crazy. Time to head home.
These are favorites. They love eachother so much. I am happy to have two girls so they can know what it is like to have a sister, something I didn't get to experience. I'm okay with it though, my girlfriends are all I need and they are my sisters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)