My Family is Special to Me: The Good & The Bad

Unique...that's the word. That's what I think of when I think about my family.

This is only some of us...

Let me just start off by saying I very much LOVE my family. A whole lot...

I remember thinking when I was younger that I had the perfect family and how lucky I was because no one else had one like mine. Haha...let me just say as you get older you find things out, realize things and understand more...and then you realize that family that you had held up on this pedestal for so long wasn't really ever there and is really on the same level as everyone else's family. Like any other family we have our problems.  And I'm sure you're thinking every family has their own set of issues, no family is perfect, well I know that now but back then I thought it was perfect.

I have always loved getting together with my family, we have a pretty good size family and it makes for lots of fun times and lots of good memories. One of my friends even told me once that she was secretly jealous of our family because we always got together and had so much fun. Honestly, I could see why, because we really used to have a BLAST when we got together. It didn't matter what it was that we were doing or what holiday or event it was, it was ALWAYS fun.

I have always thought that, as a family, we had something very special and unique. It was always through the tough times that I saw it even more, because with our family the best medicine is laughter and no matter how severe we always found a way to laugh about it and that made it so much easier to get through. Well of course as with anything in life, changes come, events happen, people change and sometimes it just makes me wonder if we really had the foundation that I always thought we had or was it just something I had created in my head. I am not sure at this point but I miss it, even if it wasn't genuine. Sometimes I don't think we do or we lost it, because we rarely talk or see each other anymore, we haven't gotten together really as a family in months and it kind of makes me really sad. No, it DOES make me really sad. It makes me sad because I think back on all the great times we had, on all the fun times we had, all the memories we made, all the good laughs we shared, and the closeness that we all shared as a family.

Some people dread holidays and other family events, but not me. I always looked forward to them and I always LOVED the fact that they happened more often than any other family I knew. However, lately I feel like we are falling out of the unique category, if there were such a thing and sliding into the normal/blah family category. And this is one thing I didn't want to be normal. I liked our family being different. It's frustrating and I wish I could just go back in time and soak up a little bit more of what we had then and maybe bring some back to today.

Easter Fun:

    

  

  

Redskins Games:

 

  

 

 

 

Lake Anna Fun: 

 

 

  

 

 

 

  

Other miscellaneous family moments:

 

 

 

When I look through all these photos, it really makes me miss this!

Talk about having a story to tell...a Miracle...Let me tell you this woman is nothing short of Ahhhhhmazing!!!!!!!!!!

I started this blog one day when my grandmother was still in the hospital, not doing well, and it was before we got the news that there was nothing more that they could do for her. However I got distracted and never finished it so today I will...

She is my inspiration! Someone who I will always admire and look up to!

February 16, 2011

Thinking of Her Today...

This special woman has been on my mind today....my grandma

We met with the doctor last night he explained everything going on with her and what the next plan of action is. He said her lungs are ok, but the main problem is she is too weak. Her diaphram is not able to pull air in and push it out. She is also still battling pneumonia and of course it does not help with her having lay for the last three weeks. Last night the decision was made that if she fails her breathing trial today, which they expect her to do because of the state she is in, they will perform a Tracheostomy at her bedside to hopefully help her be able to get off of a breathing machine faster. Also they cannot leave a tube in her throat for an extended period of time so  this is the next path for helping her breathe. Within one week of her having this done, if she is not improving she will be taken off the machine and she will be kept comfortable and breathe as long as she can on her own until she goes to be with Jesus. And you better believe if we get to that point I will be beside her all day. It feels better now knowing that we have a plan in place.

If you don't know my grandmother, she is a fighter, the toughest I know. She has fought long and hard through soooo many things since she had a heart transplant.

Fast forward six weeks...

My grandma is out of the hospital and doing great. My grandparents have moved in with my parents and are settling in just fine. I can't help but think that we were sooo close to losing her just a short time ago and I am SO thankful to still have her here. 

There are times when I sit and think back...that Thursday that the doctors told us that they were sorry but there was nothing else they could do for her and they didn't expect her to last more than a few days to a week at the most. I will never forget driving into the hospital that Friday afternoon, preparing myself for some of my last moments with her. I didn't care if she didn't know that I was there. I wanted to be there for me and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her because we didn't know how much time was left. 

On my way there I got a text from my mom. I open it to see a picture of my grandmother sitting up, awake in bed. (Yes texting and driving, crazy times call for drastic measures, I live on the edge haha) Honestly at first I thought it was some sick joke and I am thinking to myself why would my mom send me a picture of her awake, that is not even funny. But wait, is it possible? Could she be awake?  Questions running through my head, I text my mom back and OMG talk about getting chills all over! She was AWAKE! Talk about a miracle! I couldn't get into that hospital fast enough! I was literally running through the halls of the hospital trying to get to her room as fast as I could. At that point I had no idea that she had actually fully woken up and was being taken off the ventilator. All I wanted was to get up there and spend as much time as I could with her because she had woken up before and then started going down hill so I didn't know if this was temporary. As I round the wall to her room there are doctors everywhere (they were in as much shock as we were excited) and they were taking her breathing tube out. Of course the doctors didn't have any explanation, all they could say was that they were shocked. Of course you are, you were planning on this woman dying and it was just a waiting game at this point. She motioned me over to hug her and I lost it, like a big baby. I couldn't control myself. Here I was actually hugging my grandma that I wanted back so badly and she was wide awake and responding and squeezing me. I had just wanted one more chance if that's all I could have to hug and talk to her and squeeze her even it was time to say goodbye... AND I GOT IT! Actually I was getting SO much more than that, I just didn't know it at the time. It was beyond amazing. It took me a good 30 minutes to get myself together because I was truly in awe. Honestly, I just wanted to run up and down the halls of the hospital screaming in excitement and telling everyone I could about what happened and telling them there was only one explanation for this miracle and it was GOD!! 

I cannot begin to tell you what it felt like to go from one day thinking and preparing yourself to say goodbye to  one of the people who mean the absolute most to you and the next day you walk in, to her sitting wide awake in bed, alert and trying to talk. Talk about a roller coaster of emotion, going from one extreme to the other. I remember coming home that night, laying in bed, I turned to Steve and said I am just so so so amazed! This is amazing! I am so excited! I mean talk about an amazing story! Ahhhh I still get excited to this day thinking about it.

Just the day before I had been in there and she was completely out of it and I held onto her hand. Her hand didn't even feel like it had blood flowing through it; it was cold and clammy and you could see all her bones protruding, her skin was even transparent looking. She at one point even had her tongue hanging out a bit and I looked at her and said Grandma get your tongue back in your mouth! Haha it gave us all a good laugh because if you know my grandma she surely wouldn't have wanted any of us seeing her that way. I softly ran my fingers through her hair, she had been tossing and turning in her bed all day and between that and her fever it had done a number on her hair. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her and would see her tomorrow. 

I will say it again, If you don't know my grandmother, she is a fighter, the toughest I know. She has fought long and hard through soooo many things since she had a heart transplant in 2001. This woman has been through more than I would ever want to go through and she continues to be strong and will not let anything get her down. 

She has been there for me through everything. Anytime I have needed her, I could always go to her and she would help me out no matter what. She has stood by me through every tough time in my life and I cannot thank her enough. She and my grandfather were truly there for me when no one else was! She is an inspiration to me and I can only hope that I will be as strong and courageous as she has throughout her life.

I love you grandma xoxo!

It's Good To Try Something New...

A few nights ago, I decided to make a new recipe from the amazing Pioneer Woman called Sour Cream Noodle Bake. Let me just say it was delicious! Steve admitted after the fact that he didn't think he was going to like it, but 95% of the time he loves whatever I cook, even when he doesn't think he is going to.

 mmmm....tasty!

And then the worst most delicious thing I could have bought to go with them...they are ahhhhmazing!

And they could easily be the death of me trying to get fit for sure!

So if you haven't tried them you should.

Tonight I couldn't decide what to make and I wanted soup because it was the perfect night for snuggling on the couch even though I didn't actually get a chance to do that. But I was going to make potato & ham soup and then it turned into potato & corn chowder with ham. It was delish, but I didn't bother taking any pictures because it wasn't that beautiful, it just tasted great!

I enjoy cooking and baking and trying new things and thankfully my hubby goes along for the ride and is willing to try new stuff.

Today I heard a new song, The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars and I really like it. In fact, I think I may just do exactly what it says tomorrow :) We shall see...I think it will be a perfect day for it since the weather will still be nasty and I need some fun time with my little baby girl...

Yeah and that painting train that was supposed to be picking me back up or me jumpin back on, yeah that hasn't happened yet. Hey, at least I taped it all up and its ready to go...

I seem to get writer's block sometimes when I start a new blog. I have all these things that I want to put down on paper, that run through my head when I am going through my day but when it comes time to blog, it's all gone... gotta love it.

the storm's aftermath...

I really wanted to blog last night but I had a date....with my pillow...and I couldn't be late for my date so my blogging had to wait.

A short time ago an F5 tornado hit Cameron's room...it was a disaster....

haha well that's how I feel anyways...Steve and I spent several hours in her room with her one evening a few months back doing exactly this. We told her that she would be in trouble if she couldn't keep her room clean. And well 5 months later it looks terrible.

So yesterday Cameron and I had the task of conquering her room. I am not talking just picking up but cleaning, organizing, getting rid of toys that have been ignored for the last 6 months, going through all her clothes, etc. It was a task to say the least. We spent 5 hours straight in there and then took a lunch break and went back at it for another hour. I told her I was ready to get out of her room by the time we were done.

So here it is from the beginning...and it was worse than this but she had started to pick up some.

This corner was really bad...she just threw anything and everything over here.

Not to mention she had done the exact same thing in  her closet...oh and her drawers, oh and the floor... should I keep going?

When we first started I was frustrated and short and somewhat snippy with Cameron because I was upset she had let her room get to this point. I have sent her to her room countless times, told her to pick up and obviously she hadn't been. About a month ago I thought to myself its past the point of her doing it, I am going to have to go in there and help her because she can't fix it on her own and that's where I left it. I guess I was hoping a magical maid would come one day and clean it or that maybe Cameron would surprise me and actually clean her room up and put stuff where it belonged but neither happened so yesterday was the day. After about 15 mins of having a bad attitude I decided oh hell just drop the tude and get it done so it can be nice and neat and then I was better. Cameron's room doesn't always look this bad and normally I don't let it get this bad BUT with that was going on in the last two month's with my grandma and us running back and forth almost daily to Fairfax that was the absolute last thing on my mind. Secondly, I am not a believer in letting my children make whatever mess they want and I just like a maid go behind them and clean it all up just for them to do it over again. I was responsible for keeping my room clean when I was a child and I think Cameron should too. Afterall, if she is in there helping out and cleaning she surely isn't going to want to mess it up tomorrow because she had to put work into making it look like this.

We got a good chunk of it done before we took a break...

we made good progress and got a lot done while Haiden was napping but then she woke up. Surprisingly she didn't mess everywhere we just cleaned.

Is that dresser tops I can actually see? :) Amazing...

And is this a desk top she can actually have space to do her homework on? Oh what are we going to do with ourselves?

And then after a bit more work we were 95% done. We still need to hang her mirror and pictures but daddy was sleeping and you should know you don't wake a sleeping bear....just kidding, he knows I love him...but seriously he sleeps through almost anything but not the pounding of a hammer on a connecting wall to our room and he had only had about 6 hours sleep from the day before so I didn't think it was a good idea.

Oh and how could I forget to mention...yes that is Haiden passed out in the middle of her floor. She said it was way too much work for her, she needed another nap.

Maybe I should take advantage of the space on her wall with chalkboard paint and write KEEP ROOM CLEAN, KEEP ROOM CLEAN x100 or CLEAN UP CLEAN UP EVERYBODY EVERYWHERE, CLEAN UP CLEAN UP CAMERON DO YOUR SHARE  :) just a thought...

anyway back to the perfectly cleaned room.

She wrote me a big thank you note on her dry erase board...how sweet, made me smile and I knew she really appreciated what I had helped her do. I just realized how blurry this pic was...

Now let's hope she keeps it looking beautiful...or else...

As I sit here in this glorious red chair that I am totally in love with and look out the window, I can't say I am thrilled about the snow but I still think it's beautiful even if I didn't want it right now. I was looking forward to lovely spring weather where we could take nice long walks or spend a few hours at the park or just sit outside and enjoy the warmth, but I guess we aren't there yet so I will just have to find the beauty in snow for today. And its beauty is the peaceful silence it brings with it. I love during winter, just walking out at night when its snowing and listening to the silence and watching all the snowflakes fall.

So I took some more pictures of the tree out front the I have been photographing since it started blooming.

I do like when we get a nice white blanket of snow covering everything.

Haiden had her first powered donut today, she wasn't too sure at first. She kept licking her lips which was totally funny because she would stick her tongue out really far. But after a few licks she liked it.

And then she didn't want anymore pictures...

And on a side breakfast note, if you haven't ever tried this jelly you should because it's the best jelly I have ever had. Thanks to Catherine who got it for us.

I think I'm going to go stare out the window at the "nooooooo" (as haiden would say) with Haiden and enjoy the peacefulness and quietness of our home. Can I just say that I am sooooooo thankful and happy that Steve and I have created a peaceful, nurturing, happy environment for us and our children? More on this later but I just thought about this as I sit here writing and I am thankful for many things but for this I am really thankful.