It's important to frequently reflect on all the great things in one's life and be thankful and mindful of everything positive, so here goes...I am thankful for:
1. Two parents who see the value in caring for their own parents and always being there for them.
2. My grandma who has always been a fighter now matter how big the obstacle, she is truly an inspiration.
3. My amazing group of close friends that I truly don't know what I would do without them or how I would get through the tough times in life.
4. Laughter because it truly is one of the best medicines and it makes it even better when you are doing it with friends.
5. Cameron Alexis because when I stop and think about it I really don't know what I would do without her, she is always there to help me and I think I take it for granted at times.
6. Haiden Grace because as much as sometimes I feel like I am going crazy with her and her completely new and different personality I love her to pieces and I love my peaceful snuggly moments with her.
7. New books that have find their way into my life and my interest in them, I will take it as long as it lasts lol...
8. The fact that some day Steve will be able to be home with us every night and I can't wait!
9. The fact that I can see that life is about so MUCH more than the material and tangible things and that most of life's greatest gifts can only be felt in the heart.
10. I don't need money to make me happy or to make me feel successful in life because it's not about how much money you make and what you can buy with it. You can be rich and have no character and me nothing to no one.
11. My hard working, ass busting, dedicated, reliable husband who often bends over backwards for his job and that God keeps him safe each and every night so he can come home to us in the morning.
12. A good glass of wine, because that's what you need sometimes at the end of the day.
13. Some of the very special people in my life that could never have been put in my life by chance and who always have the right things to say at the right time.
14. Those in my life that challenge me because while they may drive me CRAZY at times, ultimately they make me a stronger, better person for having to practice self control.
15. I am able to stay home with my girls, something I have always dreamed of doing and amazingly it has become a reality and some days I am still in awe that I am actually living it.
November 15, 2011
November 14, 2011
FULL...Full to the Tip Top
that's my head with thoughts....blah...
I haven't written in so long and I feel like I am going crazy because I need to write and air my thoughts for the 5 people that read this, yea I know you love me, so I don't go crazy....
On a side note, I have been sucked into the Twilight saga...but I have to say that there is no way I would be taking my 9-10 year old daughter to see it (and no I am not referring to Cameron, she's only 8). I am referring to a friend of mine on FB who I guess thinks it's okay...whatever, to each his own I just think that's a bit much. And better yet she can't wait to take her daughter...I just don't think it's appropriate but what do I know?
On to bigger and better things, I have picked up reading a few good books lately, I am sure it won't last long because quite honestly I hate reading but for now I am going to embrace it and take in as much info as I can.
I am reading "Emotional Survival For Law Enforcement, A guide for officers and their families" and wow....it's scary good if that makes any sense. Good because it is packed full of information and insight and scary because there is a LOT of truth to it and I can see things that make me nervous....sigh....
On another note, while I am full of opinions tonight, here's another one:
YOU ARE NOT BORN GAY, IT'S A CHOICE
JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE
Oh this was a lovely topic at dinner the other night with my in-laws, Lord only knows how we got on this topic but we did and we were talking about this gay guy that I know and I made mention of the fact that he never had a father or true father figure in his life and that it had a huge impact on him. To which my MIL said that had nothing to do with it because he was born that way. I literally laughed out loud quickly disagreed to which her response was that she has done lots of research and you are born that way. Well you can pretty much find research based answers behind anything, true or not.There's someone to argue every point. She wasn't happy when Steve disagreed with her and then his dad on top of it, so needless to say that conversation ended quite abruptly. I just couldn't sit back and be quiet on that matter...ahhhhhh life....Like I told her what I am saying doesn't mean I like a gay person any less by any means all I am saying is that is a choice. Agree or disagree that's up to you...
Thanksgiving is around the corner and this year it's going to be quite different from last year's or any previous years and I think it will be an adjustment. Just to look at how much our what once was a close family has changed so much in a such a little amount of time. Some of the things that have brought it to this point make me sick and absolutely angry, while other things I don't mind changing....ugh...why is life so complicated sometimes? In the words of a good friend of mine "just do what comes natural" what isn't natural also easy haha??? someone please tell me.
Here's another question for you: Why are some people so FREAKING HARD to get along with???? I mean seriously, I don't go out trying to make enemies or being a bitch but there are just some people that no matter how hard you try they make it impossible to have a good relationship with. Sometimes I feel like I am back in HS...didn't I graduate for a reason? Other than to go to college....why yes, yes I did.
Oh and last time I checked, there isn't a cookie man handing out cookies to you for every damn thing you do...do you really need praise for every task you accomplish on a daily basis? Okay I just stepped off my soap box, but don't worry I didn't step far from it haha...
Now jumping tracks to a totally different subject...my great grandfather passed away the night before last and he was 98 years old, 98 wow! That's someone who has seen a WHOLE lot! I am sad that he is gone but happy for him, he lived a great life, still lived in his original home when he died, was surrounded by some of the 13 caring children, set an amazing example for what a good person is made of and was of a sound mind to the end. How many 98 year olds do you know that can say that?? I am also happy that both girls were able to meet him even though Haiden won't remember. We have a few photos with 5 generations, how awesome is that. I realize that I was very fortunate to even be able to know my great grandparents, of which I knew three of the four so I consider it a special opportunity.
Here are the five generations all together:
My great granddaddy, my grandpa, my mom, me and our girls....pretty cool!
I am all over the place tonight, but I warned ya....
Communication
ahhh what comes to your mind when you think about this?
I am referring to relationships specifically....on top of the many other things needed for a successful relationship, communication is one of the top five in my book and I think it needs to be a daily practice for both parties. I mean really how are you really going to survive if you can't communicate. just a thought.
Sometimes I really hate the quietness of this house. I love the quiet nap time, but hate the quiet night time, when Steve is working and I am here alone. I don't like being alone and cannot wait for the day that he can kiss night shifts goodbye! I think I might even throw a party. That's a good idea actually. There are some evenings where after the girls are in bed I enjoy a little bit of me time or vegging on the couch but I wouldn't mind doing that with Steve on the other end of the couch...every night. I know they say distance makes the heart grow fonder but I think it's grown fond enough lol.
I think this job, and I am not blaming everything on the job because there are soooooo many aspects, but I think this job is starting to take its toll all the way around. It's complicated. It's frustrating. It can be rewarding. It has made us change. Change the way we do things. Change the way we see things. Change the way we think about things. Change period. Some good, but some not so much. These books I have been reading are so full of helpful and good information and it makes me wish that I could implement something for the officers in every single police department. This current book makes sense of a lot of things in the police lifestyle and it makes me really sad that as I read this I realize, not ONCE has the PD (and I am not only blaming Warrenton, because I am sure there are thousands of others just like it) ever offered or taught or encouraged anything to do with EMOTIONAL survival of the job. It solely focuses on physical, however emotional is JUST as important as physical. I have always said, you have to deal with what you see on the job or else it WILL come back to haunt you years down the road, at the least expected moment...so why if people know this, why don't they have something in place in every single dept that encourages people to deal with their emotions and encourages them talking to someone instead of it being made to look as a weakness. (again I am not referring to Warrenton, but PDs in general) If anything you should be commended for being strong enough to say yeah I can't deal with what I have seen or experienced on my own, I need help. Doesn't that take a strong person? To face their problems head on because you know that if you do it will make you a better, stronger person and save you sooo many problems down the road. This is so frustrating to me because SO many things could be prevented if an officer were taught about the emotional struggles early on and given techniques and guidance for dealing with the many challenges one will face. They should be teaching this in the academy because there is no officer immune to it and not knowing how to deal with it or how to recognize it will only make matters worse. Every officer is still a human and under that badge is the same feelings you and I would feel when faced with something good, bad or horrific.
I wrote a paper back in college, after my uncle who was a police officer for 22 years died in a car crash. He had been spiraling out of control and I swear there is a good chance he would be here today if there had been something in place to help him emotionally and psychologically. Needless to say it was about how police officers should be required to undergo periodic psychological evaluations due to the stress and nature of their jobs. I feel so strongly on this subject matter because I watched what my uncle went through and knew how sickened he was by much of what he had to deal with and see on the job. I am sure there are some other professions, ie military, that has very similar issues but of course this one is closest to my heart because of my uncle and now my husband who is a police officer...
This is what my brain looks like...cluttered...
I am starting something new this week, something that can only have a positive outcome, something that can only create positive changes, but I am a little apprehensive and happy all at the same time
I haven't written in so long and I feel like I am going crazy because I need to write and air my thoughts for the 5 people that read this, yea I know you love me, so I don't go crazy....
On a side note, I have been sucked into the Twilight saga...but I have to say that there is no way I would be taking my 9-10 year old daughter to see it (and no I am not referring to Cameron, she's only 8). I am referring to a friend of mine on FB who I guess thinks it's okay...whatever, to each his own I just think that's a bit much. And better yet she can't wait to take her daughter...I just don't think it's appropriate but what do I know?
On to bigger and better things, I have picked up reading a few good books lately, I am sure it won't last long because quite honestly I hate reading but for now I am going to embrace it and take in as much info as I can.
I am reading "Emotional Survival For Law Enforcement, A guide for officers and their families" and wow....it's scary good if that makes any sense. Good because it is packed full of information and insight and scary because there is a LOT of truth to it and I can see things that make me nervous....sigh....
On another note, while I am full of opinions tonight, here's another one:
YOU ARE NOT BORN GAY, IT'S A CHOICE
JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE
Oh this was a lovely topic at dinner the other night with my in-laws, Lord only knows how we got on this topic but we did and we were talking about this gay guy that I know and I made mention of the fact that he never had a father or true father figure in his life and that it had a huge impact on him. To which my MIL said that had nothing to do with it because he was born that way. I literally laughed out loud quickly disagreed to which her response was that she has done lots of research and you are born that way. Well you can pretty much find research based answers behind anything, true or not.There's someone to argue every point. She wasn't happy when Steve disagreed with her and then his dad on top of it, so needless to say that conversation ended quite abruptly. I just couldn't sit back and be quiet on that matter...ahhhhhh life....Like I told her what I am saying doesn't mean I like a gay person any less by any means all I am saying is that is a choice. Agree or disagree that's up to you...
Thanksgiving is around the corner and this year it's going to be quite different from last year's or any previous years and I think it will be an adjustment. Just to look at how much our what once was a close family has changed so much in a such a little amount of time. Some of the things that have brought it to this point make me sick and absolutely angry, while other things I don't mind changing....ugh...why is life so complicated sometimes? In the words of a good friend of mine "just do what comes natural" what isn't natural also easy haha??? someone please tell me.
Here's another question for you: Why are some people so FREAKING HARD to get along with???? I mean seriously, I don't go out trying to make enemies or being a bitch but there are just some people that no matter how hard you try they make it impossible to have a good relationship with. Sometimes I feel like I am back in HS...didn't I graduate for a reason? Other than to go to college....why yes, yes I did.
Oh and last time I checked, there isn't a cookie man handing out cookies to you for every damn thing you do...do you really need praise for every task you accomplish on a daily basis? Okay I just stepped off my soap box, but don't worry I didn't step far from it haha...
Now jumping tracks to a totally different subject...my great grandfather passed away the night before last and he was 98 years old, 98 wow! That's someone who has seen a WHOLE lot! I am sad that he is gone but happy for him, he lived a great life, still lived in his original home when he died, was surrounded by some of the 13 caring children, set an amazing example for what a good person is made of and was of a sound mind to the end. How many 98 year olds do you know that can say that?? I am also happy that both girls were able to meet him even though Haiden won't remember. We have a few photos with 5 generations, how awesome is that. I realize that I was very fortunate to even be able to know my great grandparents, of which I knew three of the four so I consider it a special opportunity.
Here are the five generations all together:
My great granddaddy, my grandpa, my mom, me and our girls....pretty cool!
I am all over the place tonight, but I warned ya....
Communication
ahhh what comes to your mind when you think about this?
I am referring to relationships specifically....on top of the many other things needed for a successful relationship, communication is one of the top five in my book and I think it needs to be a daily practice for both parties. I mean really how are you really going to survive if you can't communicate. just a thought.
Sometimes I really hate the quietness of this house. I love the quiet nap time, but hate the quiet night time, when Steve is working and I am here alone. I don't like being alone and cannot wait for the day that he can kiss night shifts goodbye! I think I might even throw a party. That's a good idea actually. There are some evenings where after the girls are in bed I enjoy a little bit of me time or vegging on the couch but I wouldn't mind doing that with Steve on the other end of the couch...every night. I know they say distance makes the heart grow fonder but I think it's grown fond enough lol.
I think this job, and I am not blaming everything on the job because there are soooooo many aspects, but I think this job is starting to take its toll all the way around. It's complicated. It's frustrating. It can be rewarding. It has made us change. Change the way we do things. Change the way we see things. Change the way we think about things. Change period. Some good, but some not so much. These books I have been reading are so full of helpful and good information and it makes me wish that I could implement something for the officers in every single police department. This current book makes sense of a lot of things in the police lifestyle and it makes me really sad that as I read this I realize, not ONCE has the PD (and I am not only blaming Warrenton, because I am sure there are thousands of others just like it) ever offered or taught or encouraged anything to do with EMOTIONAL survival of the job. It solely focuses on physical, however emotional is JUST as important as physical. I have always said, you have to deal with what you see on the job or else it WILL come back to haunt you years down the road, at the least expected moment...so why if people know this, why don't they have something in place in every single dept that encourages people to deal with their emotions and encourages them talking to someone instead of it being made to look as a weakness. (again I am not referring to Warrenton, but PDs in general) If anything you should be commended for being strong enough to say yeah I can't deal with what I have seen or experienced on my own, I need help. Doesn't that take a strong person? To face their problems head on because you know that if you do it will make you a better, stronger person and save you sooo many problems down the road. This is so frustrating to me because SO many things could be prevented if an officer were taught about the emotional struggles early on and given techniques and guidance for dealing with the many challenges one will face. They should be teaching this in the academy because there is no officer immune to it and not knowing how to deal with it or how to recognize it will only make matters worse. Every officer is still a human and under that badge is the same feelings you and I would feel when faced with something good, bad or horrific.
I wrote a paper back in college, after my uncle who was a police officer for 22 years died in a car crash. He had been spiraling out of control and I swear there is a good chance he would be here today if there had been something in place to help him emotionally and psychologically. Needless to say it was about how police officers should be required to undergo periodic psychological evaluations due to the stress and nature of their jobs. I feel so strongly on this subject matter because I watched what my uncle went through and knew how sickened he was by much of what he had to deal with and see on the job. I am sure there are some other professions, ie military, that has very similar issues but of course this one is closest to my heart because of my uncle and now my husband who is a police officer...
This is what my brain looks like...cluttered...
I am starting something new this week, something that can only have a positive outcome, something that can only create positive changes, but I am a little apprehensive and happy all at the same time
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)