I started this blog one day when my grandmother was still in the hospital, not doing well, and it was before we got the news that there was nothing more that they could do for her. However I got distracted and never finished it so today I will...
She is my inspiration! Someone who I will always admire and look up to!
February 16, 2011
Thinking of Her Today...
This special woman has been on my mind today....my grandma
We met with the doctor last night he explained everything going on with her and what the next plan of action is. He said her lungs are ok, but the main problem is she is too weak. Her diaphram is not able to pull air in and push it out. She is also still battling pneumonia and of course it does not help with her having lay for the last three weeks. Last night the decision was made that if she fails her breathing trial today, which they expect her to do because of the state she is in, they will perform a Tracheostomy at her bedside to hopefully help her be able to get off of a breathing machine faster. Also they cannot leave a tube in her throat for an extended period of time so this is the next path for helping her breathe. Within one week of her having this done, if she is not improving she will be taken off the machine and she will be kept comfortable and breathe as long as she can on her own until she goes to be with Jesus. And you better believe if we get to that point I will be beside her all day. It feels better now knowing that we have a plan in place.
If you don't know my grandmother, she is a fighter, the toughest I know. She has fought long and hard through soooo many things since she had a heart transplant.
Fast forward six weeks...
My grandma is out of the hospital and doing great. My grandparents have moved in with my parents and are settling in just fine. I can't help but think that we were sooo close to losing her just a short time ago and I am SO thankful to still have her here.
There are times when I sit and think back...that Thursday that the doctors told us that they were sorry but there was nothing else they could do for her and they didn't expect her to last more than a few days to a week at the most. I will never forget driving into the hospital that Friday afternoon, preparing myself for some of my last moments with her. I didn't care if she didn't know that I was there. I wanted to be there for me and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her because we didn't know how much time was left.
On my way there I got a text from my mom. I open it to see a picture of my grandmother sitting up, awake in bed. (Yes texting and driving, crazy times call for drastic measures, I live on the edge haha) Honestly at first I thought it was some sick joke and I am thinking to myself why would my mom send me a picture of her awake, that is not even funny. But wait, is it possible? Could she be awake? Questions running through my head, I text my mom back and OMG talk about getting chills all over! She was AWAKE! Talk about a miracle! I couldn't get into that hospital fast enough! I was literally running through the halls of the hospital trying to get to her room as fast as I could. At that point I had no idea that she had actually fully woken up and was being taken off the ventilator. All I wanted was to get up there and spend as much time as I could with her because she had woken up before and then started going down hill so I didn't know if this was temporary. As I round the wall to her room there are doctors everywhere (they were in as much shock as we were excited) and they were taking her breathing tube out. Of course the doctors didn't have any explanation, all they could say was that they were shocked. Of course you are, you were planning on this woman dying and it was just a waiting game at this point. She motioned me over to hug her and I lost it, like a big baby. I couldn't control myself. Here I was actually hugging my grandma that I wanted back so badly and she was wide awake and responding and squeezing me. I had just wanted one more chance if that's all I could have to hug and talk to her and squeeze her even it was time to say goodbye... AND I GOT IT! Actually I was getting SO much more than that, I just didn't know it at the time. It was beyond amazing. It took me a good 30 minutes to get myself together because I was truly in awe. Honestly, I just wanted to run up and down the halls of the hospital screaming in excitement and telling everyone I could about what happened and telling them there was only one explanation for this miracle and it was GOD!!
I cannot begin to tell you what it felt like to go from one day thinking and preparing yourself to say goodbye to one of the people who mean the absolute most to you and the next day you walk in, to her sitting wide awake in bed, alert and trying to talk. Talk about a roller coaster of emotion, going from one extreme to the other. I remember coming home that night, laying in bed, I turned to Steve and said I am just so so so amazed! This is amazing! I am so excited! I mean talk about an amazing story! Ahhhh I still get excited to this day thinking about it.
Just the day before I had been in there and she was completely out of it and I held onto her hand. Her hand didn't even feel like it had blood flowing through it; it was cold and clammy and you could see all her bones protruding, her skin was even transparent looking. She at one point even had her tongue hanging out a bit and I looked at her and said Grandma get your tongue back in your mouth! Haha it gave us all a good laugh because if you know my grandma she surely wouldn't have wanted any of us seeing her that way. I softly ran my fingers through her hair, she had been tossing and turning in her bed all day and between that and her fever it had done a number on her hair. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her and would see her tomorrow.
I will say it again, If you don't know my grandmother, she is a fighter, the toughest I know. She has fought long and hard through soooo many things since she had a heart transplant in 2001. This woman has been through more than I would ever want to go through and she continues to be strong and will not let anything get her down.
She has been there for me through everything. Anytime I have needed her, I could always go to her and she would help me out no matter what. She has stood by me through every tough time in my life and I cannot thank her enough. She and my grandfather were truly there for me when no one else was! She is an inspiration to me and I can only hope that I will be as strong and courageous as she has throughout her life.
I love you grandma xoxo!
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